Journal Entry: Sun Jun 9, 2013, 3:41 PM
I warn you, this will be a long read. But it is an important one.
As the few who frequent my journals know, I rarely post anything of importance. It's mostly short entries filled with bad grammar and with a lack of both depth and meaning. The reasons for this are that firstly, I am not a skilled writer in english. And secondly, I am not the type who share my thoughts and musings with the world. I am a listener, a silent ponderer. And that combo of being a listener, and not sharing yourself with the rest of the world, can lead to some interesting events. People may say things and share opinions that I find humorously stupid, they may share dark secrets of their past, because I rarely show judgement over what they say, and people may also say things I find most hurtful. This journal will adress the latter.
This is a topic that holds great importance for me. It gives me both joy and sadness, it makes me, for unknown reasons, very proud. But simultaneously, it makes me both angry and ashamed. And because of my fundamental views on this topic, I will probably hate every moment of writing this journal, and I will want to delete it afterwards. But I have decided to write it, and I will keep it up, because it's so dead important, not only for me, but for a lot of people out there.
The reason this journal came to life, happened after gym class. As most of you are aware of, I am a girl. And as most of you girls are aware of, we talk about everything between heaven and earth in the girls locker room. And one day, in the midst of autumn, one of my class mates managed to express that "Bisexuality is just an excuse for people who either doesn't want to admit that they're gay, or just want to fuck around with everything". And everyone agreed with her. At first, I was shocked. I didn't know my peers where that close-minded. Then came the sadness, and a weird feeling of loneliness. Even though none of the people in that room could tell, I felt pushed away, like I was some sort of freak.
As you, dear readers, have probably understood by now; I am bisexual. Always have been, always will be. The reason I dont talk much about this, is mainly because, as I stated above, I'm not comfortable talking about myself. Furthermore, I have no reason to tell everybody. As long as I dont think my genitalia will be around your genitalia, you have no reason to know who I find attractive. I respect everybodys right to share their tastes and preferences, it's just not my cup of tea.
I believe, that everybody is entitled to their own opinion. I also believe, that I have the right to disagree with said opinion, and to voice my disagreement.
Especially when the opinion is so incredibly stupid, close-minded, misinformed and just plain out mean.
Sadly, I did not manage to share my disagreement with them at that time. As mentioned, I was both shocked and angry. I was scared and sad. I am a firm believer that when something important needs to be said, one should never say it while influenced by strong emoitions like anger. The words will come out harsher, and the whole message of your speech will be interpreted wrong. It will probably backfire, and that doesn't make the situation better.
As well as my "no speaking while angry"-policy, I didn't want to say anything because, when my whole class has already agreed to a statement like that, they will probably not take it too cool if I out myself. My gut feeling told me that would have been an awkward situation. It would probably win the award for most awkward situation 2012. And I would have 14 people against me. No thanks.
You see, for some weird reason, many girls get uncomfortable with this subject. Mostly, they find homosexual guys to be cute. Every girl wants a gay bff, no? If thats not sickening enough, many of these girls, who find homosexual boys a-okay, are not comfortabel with homosexual girls. Those slutty lesbians will want to get in your pants no matter what, thats a known fact, isn't it?
.. Okay, I shall turn of my sarcasm now.
But in all seriousness, that little summary right there, that is (at least in my experience) usually how girls treat the Ls and Gs in LGBTQ. And.. the mind boggles. In what way is this okay? This.. segregation of sexes. If it has a penis, it's cute. If it has a vagina, on the other hand, you should probably put a fence around your own? Now I speak of my own experience here, and everybody knows, that's the best kind of experience. Homosexual and bisexual people do not want to sleep with anyone, just because that anyone happens to share the same type of junk as said LGB-person.
And I know, that by outing myself, and voicing my opinion in that locker room, I would've doomed myself to never being allowed to participate in quite a few conversation topics ever again. I would forever be judged as that weird girl who couldn't decide wether she liked peen or jayjay, or as that big ol' slut, who wasn't satisfied with only 50% of the human population. And every girl in that room would ask herself the same question: What if she likes me?
I am not a confused lesbian, I am not some slutty girl who just wants to fuck. I am bisexual, and I am visible.